[Issue #24] I Don’t Belong Here [part two]
A practical guide on managing feelings of imposter syndrome
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“Your skin burns black under the guise of freedom. Here in this new city you become a seen thing. A painful anomaly.”
-Ezinne Orjiako, Nkem
Last week, we defined imposter syndrome and touched on some general ways of managing it. This week, we’ll get more specific and into the weeds on handling our feelings of imposter syndrome.
Since starting this newsletter, I’ve learned that being a creative person with a job dedicated to being creative can definitely trigger some imposter syndrome-skewed thinking, activate old deep rooted beliefs about my own value and ability, topped off with a fragile (and sometimes seemingly inflated) sense of self-worth - as in, my value is only tied to my production (for a deeper look at productivity and mental health, read Issue #17, “Tangible Progress") and what you (global you) think about me and my worth to you.
Imposter syndrome comes on the heels of perfectionism and is often associated with self-doubt, anxiety, and depression. When we doubt ourselves, our choices, our opportunities, our interior voice of Self, we are unable to produce anything we feel deemed worthy of “value” because we can’t fathom that we’re even capable of creating something of value or upholding and abiding by the rules and expectations of others in the first place (to learn more about feeling good enough, read issue #20, It’s a Trap); And there’s the unforgiving fear that whatever we do create will end up being shit.
We can’t start a project, let alone finish one we feel is worth sharing if we can’t fathom our own abilities. We can’t feel a sense of accomplishment after completing said project. We can’t feel good enough at our job, which, in American culture, is unfortunately deeply tied to our sense of self-worth, wellbeing, and internal identity.
This can (and often does) create a cycle of overworking within our respective fields, underwhelming self-care, burnout, increased stress, and external rewards for all our trouble (but we’re still very displeased with the output - and maybe our lives - due to our imposter). This point is well made in an opinion article published in 2020 on Frontiers, “Focusing on the Neuro-Psycho-Biological and Evolutionary Underpinnings of the Imposter Syndrome” written by George P. Chrouros et al.:
“From a psychobiological perspective, the perceived effort-reward imbalance stress model suggests that a disparity between effort, which relates to duties and obligations, and reward, which includes social and/or financial rewards, can lead to chronic activation of the stress system with all that this entails (Siegrist, 1996; Ota et al., 2014). We are tempted to theorize that imposter syndrome sufferers might subjectively perceive effort-reward imbalance, which could inhibit them from feeling rewarded for their successes or failing to be optimistic for any kind of upcoming rewards in the future.”
There’s one particular sentence that caught me:
“We are tempted to theorize that imposter syndrome sufferers might subjectively perceive effort-reward imbalance, which could inhibit them from feeling rewarded…”
We covered the reward system a little bit a few months ago (Issue #5, “External Breath” covers the brain’s reward system and addiction) and we can understand how an external reward can function as a vehicle for stress; so the next question becomes,
what do we do about these feelings of imposter syndrome?
In 2018, then-student Irene Tiefenthaler wrote a brief essay about mitigating feelings of imposter syndrome outlining several ways to do just that:
“First, identify what is causing your self-doubt…Try to find another person who can work as an ally with you and help advocate for your position...”
The first point - identifying what causes our self-doubt, is a much more difficult and intensive process than simply brainstorming on a mind map what our weaknesses and strengths might be. Identifying our self doubt means, in actuality, to investigate where that self-doubt is bred. Is it from a learning disability? A physical disability? Does self-doubt come from people in your childhood, people who don’t matter anymore?
My personal injuries, disabilities, and trauma have all played a key role in my own feelings of imposter syndrome. Beginning this newsletter was a shot in the dark for me, and I had to build a more anchored sense of Self in order to start this new job. Imagine if all artists, writers, singers, judges, doctors, lawyers, servers, barbers, imagine if we all suffered so much from imposter syndrome that it left us stranded, paralyzed, unable to even imagine our work being worthy of acknowledgement (or, dare I say, actual money) to the point where nothing gets created?
What a sad, small, isolating world that would be.
What to do instead? Number 2 on Tiefenthaler’s list:
“…focus more on what you are presenting rather than on yourself and your credentials By transferring the focus to their research-backed work the focus is removed from the person who feels they do not deserve the credit and placed on the subject matter.”
To beat back imposter syndrome, it takes guts - it takes guts to identify the roots of our self-doubt. There was a time when my injuries planned my days and those days were empty, lonely, and destructive. Challenging my inner imposter (almost) every week with this newsletter has been a wonderful way for me to learn to ebb and flow with my imposter without letting it steer the ship of my Self.
One of the ways I mitigate my inner imposter from flooding me is by researching the hell out of most of these essays. Coming in, I only knew what I personally knew about mental health. I’m not trained in it, and my college degree is in Urban Planning and Design (I took one sociology class and loved it) - But I knew the conversation needed shifting and I knew the shift needed to come from people suffering from mental health disorders, or those trying their damndest to support and uplift people suffering from these disorders (people like my wife, who is also my caregiver, due to my mental health). Researching topics and backing them with reputable studies lifted from vetted (usually peer-reviewed) scientific journals and articles, books and popular culture, lends me some sense of safety (and hope) in gaining credibility.
And Tiefenthaler’s last guiding post?
“…Discovering that others whom you admire also experience imposter syndrome helps you realize that your feelings of inadequacy might be unfounded…Instead of using your energy to doubt your abilities…Realize that most people who are experts in their field usually are because they never stop learning.”
I’ve crafted up a list below where you’ll find some links to resources that will aid in guiding you toward a more quiet imposter. There’s a workbook (which I attempted to vet on my own and look through before recommending it (and the other resources), and there are no sponsors of this newsletter (aside from my paying readers), so I don’t gain any financial reward from your purchases), some are links to helpful articles, and I’ve found a podcast episode from Dr. Brené Brown, a couple books, and a TedX Talk, so take your pick! If you end up going with one (or more!) of these resources, I’d love to hear about your experience!
I recommend sitting down with your therapist, sponsor, or pastor/priest or other trusted figure to work through this stuff with - these are heavy duty resources and to get the most out of them generally means asking for help (I know, I know…).
Resources:
The first resource is a book, which walks through and utilizes a lot of CPT (cognitive processing therapy) skills, including learning how to challenge your own thinking and sitting with discomfort - and it has a 4.7 out of 5 on Amazon, where more than 3,000 people have reviewed it:
Valerie Young has studied the internalized beliefs women have of themselves and how those beliefs impact their lives. She pinpoints the types of imposter by dividing each by archetype and wrote a book (which has gone on to be a bestselling award winner) all about the impacts of imposter syndrome on women:
The next is a workbook titled “Self Confidence Workbook”, which also utilizes CPT to guide you through the re-learning and re-orienting to your Self:
And the following links all cover imposter syndrome in different contexts:
Dr. Brené Brown on imposter syndrome on her podcast “Dare to Lead”
Jody-Ann Burey’s TedX talk on bringing your authentic self to work
This Rolling Stone article on creatives overcoming imposter syndrome
Moving toward a more joyous life means living in harmony with our shadow, always hiding within, always ready to pounce. Unfortunately, imposter syndrome is one of many shadows more than 80% of the population seems to struggle with. I genuinely hope these resources help guide any of you who may be struggling with imposter syndrome.
From my heart, I genuinely appreciate you reading.
I appreciate your kind and honest emails - the stories you guys tell me, the experiences you share with me, I can’t begin to express the immense soar of my soul each time I get an email with a slice of your life wrapped inside. The fact that you, dear readers, trust me enough and feel safe enough to write me (a stranger!) keeps my fingers click-clacking on the keys, my brain enmeshed in helping others.
Thank you.
Send me an email, leave a comment, ask questions (I love to answer reader questions!) - I (and my writing soul) look forward to hearing from you!
“If you're waiting until you feel talented enough to make it, you'll never make it.”
- Criss Jami, Healology
I have both books in my Amazon cart now...only question is, which one to buy first?
Thank you a million times for this article!!!!!!
Yes,, perfectionism and workaholism played a big part in my descent to disease!
Did you ever come across a part of the brain called the habenula, which ties dopamine into these themes?