It took me a year to ‘find my way’ once I shoved everything I owned (and that had fit into a 30’ travel trailer), into my son’s pickup truck, and he swooped me away to an alternative living space. I started over literally from scratch, but that wasn’t even the hard part. I found it unbearable not to see or talk to the other half of my toxic marriage. I received the best piece of advice out there from the author herein (thank you Adrian, your voice/words have never left my head). Block his number! His email! He no longer exists! ever existed. Being the codependent soul that I am and have been for what I presume had been my entire life, I didn’t take their advice to heart. While I set and kept boundaries, I was still very much on the slippery slope that found me rolling back and forth I and out of this relationship. Maybe I was working on the creation of a different ending. One that would be different from the ending we managed to survive back in 1985, me and this same human.
Another powerful, important and well researched article. Yes, I have found that a toxic relationship very often an important ingredient in personal "recipes" of decent into disease. Was definitely true in my case. I think thats why the co-dependency literature is so helpful. Here are some crib notes I made from Pia Melody's book [I think she was the originator of the term?], copying here in case it adds anything to the discussion: I am just beginning to read around the work of Pia Melloday https://www.piamellody.com/ on the concept of "co-dependecy". I must say that I identify with everything I've read very strongly so far, personally. So I'm wondering if other people who have come down with chronic illnesses will identify with these themes too? [Indeed, I suspect there may be very common themes here amongst us?]
Difficulty Experiencing Appropriate Levels of Self-Esteem
[self-explanatory]
Difficulty Setting Functional Boundaries
"A personal boundary system is an internal mechanism that both protects as well as contains an individual’s body, mind, emotions and behavior.
It has three purposes:
1) To help an individual prevent himself from being victimized
2) To prevent an individual from being an offender
3) To give an individual a sense of self"
Difficulty Owning Our Own Reality
"People who are codependent do not know who they are. They have difficulty recognizing and defining their own reality. Reality is defined as the following four aspects:
1) The body - How we look and how our bodies are operating
2) Thinking - How we give meaning to incoming data
3) Feelings - Appropriate expression of our emotions
4) Behavior - What we do or don't do"
Difficulty Acknowledging and Meeting Our Own Wants and Needs
People who have difficulty with this core symptom can fall into these four categories:
1) Too dependent: expect others to meet our needs completely
2) Anti-dependent: I alone can meet my needs
3) Needless/wantless: I am not aware of my needs or wants
4) Confuses wants and needs: attempts to meet needs with wants"
Difficulty Experiencing and Expressing Our Reality Moderately
This symptom is usually most visible to other people. Codependents usually have no middle
ground and appear to be extreme with their bodies, thoughts and feelings"
It took me a year to ‘find my way’ once I shoved everything I owned (and that had fit into a 30’ travel trailer), into my son’s pickup truck, and he swooped me away to an alternative living space. I started over literally from scratch, but that wasn’t even the hard part. I found it unbearable not to see or talk to the other half of my toxic marriage. I received the best piece of advice out there from the author herein (thank you Adrian, your voice/words have never left my head). Block his number! His email! He no longer exists! ever existed. Being the codependent soul that I am and have been for what I presume had been my entire life, I didn’t take their advice to heart. While I set and kept boundaries, I was still very much on the slippery slope that found me rolling back and forth I and out of this relationship. Maybe I was working on the creation of a different ending. One that would be different from the ending we managed to survive back in 1985, me and this same human.
Another powerful, important and well researched article. Yes, I have found that a toxic relationship very often an important ingredient in personal "recipes" of decent into disease. Was definitely true in my case. I think thats why the co-dependency literature is so helpful. Here are some crib notes I made from Pia Melody's book [I think she was the originator of the term?], copying here in case it adds anything to the discussion: I am just beginning to read around the work of Pia Melloday https://www.piamellody.com/ on the concept of "co-dependecy". I must say that I identify with everything I've read very strongly so far, personally. So I'm wondering if other people who have come down with chronic illnesses will identify with these themes too? [Indeed, I suspect there may be very common themes here amongst us?]
This is extracted from "Codepenence: The 5 Core Symptoms" https://www.piamellody.com/pdf/CE_Summer2002_Pia.pdf
Difficulty Experiencing Appropriate Levels of Self-Esteem
[self-explanatory]
Difficulty Setting Functional Boundaries
"A personal boundary system is an internal mechanism that both protects as well as contains an individual’s body, mind, emotions and behavior.
It has three purposes:
1) To help an individual prevent himself from being victimized
2) To prevent an individual from being an offender
3) To give an individual a sense of self"
Difficulty Owning Our Own Reality
"People who are codependent do not know who they are. They have difficulty recognizing and defining their own reality. Reality is defined as the following four aspects:
1) The body - How we look and how our bodies are operating
2) Thinking - How we give meaning to incoming data
3) Feelings - Appropriate expression of our emotions
4) Behavior - What we do or don't do"
Difficulty Acknowledging and Meeting Our Own Wants and Needs
People who have difficulty with this core symptom can fall into these four categories:
1) Too dependent: expect others to meet our needs completely
2) Anti-dependent: I alone can meet my needs
3) Needless/wantless: I am not aware of my needs or wants
4) Confuses wants and needs: attempts to meet needs with wants"
Difficulty Experiencing and Expressing Our Reality Moderately
This symptom is usually most visible to other people. Codependents usually have no middle
ground and appear to be extreme with their bodies, thoughts and feelings"