[Issue #27] How To Know Thyself

A brief guide exploring the importance of personal values

space

“You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past.”

-Chuck Palahniuk, “Survivor”

If I sit still long enough, I can begin to feel my jaw relax, the tension slacks off like tears or raindrops. If I breathe deeply enough, I can feel my lungs fill with the breath of the present moment. If I listen long enough to the things that matter, I can feel my legs loosen up, the nerve endings sighing from relief. And if I can do all three at the same time, it’s a moment of peace. The kind of peace only creating something beautiful can bring.

In these moments, I am reminded that I am human and there is no forever. Then my anxiety spikes and sadness fills my left lung, exhilaration fills my right lung and I breathe a chuckle of absurdity, the depth of which fills my guts from one day to the next.

Then, the time comes when I’m reminded of my sense of purpose and what orients my moral compass, dissipating the grief of my own finite mortality. My moral compass leads me on a journey of my own choosing and I have my internal navigation system to guide me along. This internal navigation system is filled with landmarks and guideposts, which are built with the commitment to my future self. Society and fancy folk call these guideposts values and they’re what make me, me and you, you.

I carry my values with me, knowing there is no me I can run from, nor leave behind. The past that follows me has the persistence and ferocity of Peter Pan’s shadow and at every turn, I am reminded the only thing to do is accept and lean into the parts of me I deem unworthy.

I first learned about values in this way while in intensive PTSD therapy (the first time), and it has been one of the most impactful lessons I gleaned while there.

What are values?

The word value may come from the French word valoir, meaning “to be worth” and/or from the Latin word valere, meaning “to be strong, well, of value or of worth”. But the word value originated from its use in currency around 1300, meaning “price equal to the intrinsic worth of a thing” and has since evolved into the modern English language as a way of describing what we stand for and who we want to be.

Defining our values was one of the very first exercises we did during intensive PTSD therapy. It’s not possible to list every value, but I placed a graphic below that should help orient you in the right direction of finding your own:

VALUES GRAPHIC

Knowing our values gives us the gift of knowing ourselves, on a foundational level. That’s important if we’re talking about improving our mental health and quality of life. What kind of person do you want to be?

What kind of person do you want your kids to see you as?

Your partner?

Friends?

In-laws?

Pets?

These are the questions that beg for answers because the answers to these questions will build us. Think of our values as an anchoring point - when we’re in the frenzy of chaos or in the company of assholes, we can rely on our values to carry us through uncomfortable moments and experiences. Values also tend to remind us that we have choices.