[TT #3] A Reframing of Meaning
A quick look at how the stories we tell ourselves about our pasts keep us there
“Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.”
-Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor, author, psychologist
As I’ve chugged along in the background of these words, I’ve been hard at work.
I’m not sure what to call it, and while the term expansion feels really relevant here, I’m not sure it quite…resonates with the type of inner shifting that’s occured for me. It feels like a particular point in space and time that was always supposed to happen for me. Like the accident that led to my traumatic brain injury, or choosing to do security on that prisoner-transfer convoy.
Do I have choices? Sure. And are some of these choices based on lots of choices that came before? Of course. But let’s not get lost in the weeds - I think my larger point is this: No matter what terrible things have happened to you, or how terrible they were, there is still hope, and time, to change. And, I also think I believe that certain things are bound to us, our souls must have certain experiences, in order to expand and grow. So, while in some other space-time continuum I may not have gotten into that rollover accident that led to the TBI, I am making a case that, what if a similar event would have occured in another history, or timeline, or continuum? Maybe my TBI would have come in the form of something terrible, like getting hit by a train (which actually happened to a cousin of mine, and talk about overcoming trauma!) or shot in the head and survived it? Or maybe gotten hit by a car?
All of this sounds kind of morbid, and it’s not meant to, not really, and also I think this is important for a couple of reasons. 1 - we do not talk about death, dying, aging, or loss to illness or disease and addiction enough and it’s a problem, and 2 - I do fundamentally believe that if we could all take a few moments a day to really reflect on our limited time here, in this body, in this life, on this day, we may feel more grateful for the things we complain about - like the computer taking too long to load or our romantic partners or frustrating parents.
We’ve talked about time in this way before, but I’ve had a shift internally, and that shit has a lot to do with how I have begun to re-make the meaning I’ve attached to the stories I have in my head, my memories, and my experiences. I’ve somehow managed to find the courage to believe I am enough, worthy, wise and I’ve made the purposeful decision to go back into some dark spots of my past and bring light in. Because all this darkness will kill me. I have got to find some balance.
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