There's No I In Self-Sabotage But There Should Be [The Process & The Truth #2]
Did someone say, "light that motherfucker on fire?" Oh, no? No one said that? Just me?
“Self doubt is the killer of all dreams.”
-Lewis Howes
I’ve been struggling with my sense of Self - and, I’ve had a pretty astounding breakthrough in the way in which I understand myself because, lucky for everyone, I’ve had to dance with face and disarm my Shadow (ok, I’ve only been willing to do this stupid terrifying tightrope walk recently because previously, my ego would do the equivalent of photo-bombing my best intentions) - the very thing I’ve been (poorly) tamping down by way of substances, experiences, people, and whatever other shit kept me from looking inside this cave of mine for most of my life.
We all do this tamping down, this avoidance of our darkness, because being human is complicated and hard and messy. There’s no right way to live, and we could argue with the bullets of philosophy on the wrong ways of such a thing, but today isn’t about that.
Today is about sharing with you some things I’ve learned about myself the past couple weeks while on hiatus (it’s been more of a period of necessary Death (see below) and less of a vacationy hiatus). Today, I want to share what anchors me, what’s meaningful to me, and how I plan to stop sabotaging this incredible, full, deliriously surreal life I’ve managed to cobble together through pure fucking persistence and a dogged (definitely harmful) drive of perfection.
I’m a sponge when it comes to anything that touches the boundaries of science - particularly anything involving humans and living creatures, and the behaviors that drive each.
And once again, lucky for everyone, I also enjoy sharing all the weird and interesting shit I learn from my voracious consumption of nerdy delights. Delights such as this book, which I heard about through the podcast The Armchair Expert - the book is “Behave” and it’s a 26 hour long listen, and it’s not for the faint of heart. However, the science of the brain that’s covered in the beginning chapters is astounding!
We humans have been conditioned long before we individual people even had cells. Long before we came along were the settlers that invaded this land (America), and long before them were the settlers that invaded other lands far from here. Long before that, the land wasn’t split into the continents we know today, and we shared space with creatures that looked somewhat like us, but not exactly.
Wanna nerd out with me as I apply the things I’m learning? Subscribe below (or upgrade your membership) to come along the journey with me in a much more personal, less research-based (but still backed by reputable research and solid science), shorter-form journal posts which I’ve dedicated a section of the newsletter under the heading The Process & The Truth.
If you have trust issues or are afraid of commitment (you’re in good company!), grab a free 14 day trial to check out the exclusive content before deciding where to put your hard earned dollars.
All this history - meteors, ice-ages, explosive volcanoes, deadly plagues (which apparently still happen), all of this was long before me and you.
Long before the generational trauma of war, of racism, of sexism and homophobia, long before the alcoholism and the meth addictions, the childhood abuse and the sexual assaults. Yes, long before. So, as it stands, we’re born into systems, structures, dynamics, expectations and identities. We come out primed to be completely dependent upon other people entirely for many, many years of our young lives and those people just happen to be part of those systems, structures, dynamics, expectations, and identities.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to I’m Not Triggered, You’re an Asshole! to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.